'The Bachelorette' Finale Recap: Drama to the Bitter (Bitter!) End

It's finally here! Graduates of the most painful season (ette) Is the end finally, finally, thankfully arrived. I feel a bit more relieved if the findings were not three hours immediately following bachelor pad 2 to the beginning of the next three hours Monday: Attack of the clones, but let's cross that has broken down, haunted, collogen full bridge When we get to it.

If you have not yet seen tonight's finale, play drinking games while you make sure to do. If you've seen the episode, watch it again to play the drinking game!

And now at hand which friend Ashley's wedding (probably) will marry the man she had dumped on national TV, why her sister is like a stone cold human color book, and the most important person I love and hate and trash This website, feel about all this? Let's find out!

We start with Ashley on a small airplane, a beautiful part of Fiji, where he travels to meet his family: his father, his mother, his sister, and her quiet younger brother. He is so quiet he could really be Bruce Willis in Sixth Sense disease? (Or she's shy.) Before they meet, Ashley says that he definitely loves his family and prepare for the engagement ... But he does not whoooom yeeeet knoooow!

Chrystie observed JP for maybe an hour in a highly artificial and stressful environment, so clearly she is the expert here. "Something's missing for ME," she says. If I were Ashley, that's obviously when I would yell, "It's not about you" because I am as irrational and hostile as I am witty. But this is Ashley. So, it sets off Ashley's backlog of insecurities and second-guesses. She's sobbing. "I feel like I've been so alone on this journey, and to finally get this ... opinion ... it's heartbreaking," she blubbers, barely able to get the words out. "Now I'm even more confused!" Ashley declares. "I don't know what to do!"

Ashley runs to her brother (who's not a ghost!) for support, and he is basically like, "What? Duuuude. Our sister is crazy." This makes Ashley feel better. Then she goes to Dad, who tells Ashley not to listen to dumb, judgmental Other Daughter, and to just go with her heart.

Unfortunately, across the villa, Chrystie has gotten JP alone, cut off his legs and asked him to dance. She basically says, "I don't see you and Ashley together, and I already told her so. Bluntly and harshly. Now, try to convince me you want to be a part of this family." JP says that whenever he's around Ashley, he's smiling ear to ear. "I'm 100% in love with her," JP says, voice shaking. 

Chrystie then goes for the jugular, accusing JP of preying on her "much younger sister," and suggests that something must be wrong with him if he hasn't settled down yet. ("Objection! Ageism!" "Sustained.") Then Chrystie says that JP is obviously shy, set in his ways, and that Ashley is "too much" for him. Chrystie thinks all of life's answers can be found in a Cosmo Personality Quiz. Chrystie is not only judgmental, she is quick, harsh and open about it. And that isn't cool, because that's OUR job.